Book Review: The Meaning of Marriage

I'll be honest, I came to this book with big expectations. Tim Keller is one of my favourite pastors and authors at the moment, I love the challenge he brings to the Evangelical church, and his intellectual integrity and whimsical style. I've previously loved "The Reason For God", "The Prodigal God" and "Counterfeit Gods", so was interested to see how a very specific book would pan out. The fact that its about marriage - a subject dear to my heart personally and politically - made it all the more compelling, as did the fact it is written with his wife Kathy.

Fortunately, I was not disappointed.

Keller opens his book with a clear rationale:

 "single people today need a brutally realistic yet glorious vision of what marriage is and can be"

When we replace single people with everyone, we end up with the audience who should read this book. It's that good.

By the standards of often slim, shallow Christian books on marriage, this is one that bucks the trend - with a fairly meaty 240+ pages, its not a book for the faint hearted, but it is one that bears careful reading, as it is full of gems. The Kellers set themselves the lofty task of understanding the Meaning of Marriage - and in true Keller style, they go about it robustly and efficiently. The first four chapters look at Marriage as a 'thing' - specifically its Secret, the Power for it, The Essence of it, and the Mission of marriage. The second four chapters are more explicitly practical (though such a distinction does the first half a disservice!), looking at "Loving the Stranger", "Embracing the Other", "Singleness and Marriage", and "Sex and Marriage". If one was to compare this book to the Driscoll offering, there are great parallels - the emphasis on friendship being key - but overall this is a more cerebral book, with perhaps less emphasis on the sexual element. Its why both books are worth reading!

For me, though, it is the sheer terrifying intelligence, massive biblical awareness, and personal honesty of this account that makes this book on marriage so valuable. Keller - without ever going beyond his remit - provides a sound theology of marriage, a historically and intellectually coherent reasoning behind it, all the while peppered with self-deprecating anecdotes about where Kathy and he have got it wrong. This genuinely is a full-blooded theology of marriage - I'm convinced that the Kellers succeed in providing a brutally realistic yet glorious picture of marriage.

On a practical level, the various suggestions in this book range from the necessary to the downright earth-shatteringly brilliant in scope. Personally, as I prepare for marriage, I'll be thinking and praying through great swaths of this book - and hope my fiancee will have a chance to read it too!

The appendix, after an epilogue, is particularly valuable. It looks - after having made a serious look throughout the book at what 'submission' and 'headship' mean in a genuinely biblical way, unshackled by culture - at decision making and gender roles. It comes down on the complementarian side - as might be expected - but with a powerful dignity for both parties, a challenge to men to be more thoughtful, and a challenge to both to be more considerate. There is an interesting observation about the dynamics of Trinity - a theme that runs throughout this expertly crafted book - which bears careful thinking.

Ultimately, this is a superb book on marriage. Its both theological and practical, biblical and relevant, spirit-filled and word-drenched. In my mind, it is going to be a great foundation for marriages - and a valuable perspective in the Christian marriage melting pot. I completely recommend this book!