Book Review: God, Marriage and Family

Well, this is it, the big one. This, according to most people in my circles, is one of the most important evangelical books on the subject. I've reviewed a variety of marriage books, but none that has strayed into the related and important territory of Family. With its serious physical heft, firm subtitle "Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation", and three pages of endorsements from heavy hitters like Packer, Driscol, Piper, Dever, Grudem, Schriener, Kent Hughes and more, this is a serious book. Whilst being unashamedly complementarian, I felt that this book is an essential text for anyone who would consider themselves evangelical and/or bible-believing, because of its serious engagement with Scripture and careful reading of culture.

I, as pictured above, have and read the second edition, which adds some important things into the mix. These additions are incredibly varied but also very useful, including new sections on a theology of sex, summary of recent debates on physical punishment of children/singleness/homosexuality/divorce/remarriage, section on parenting teens, and a new chapter looking at the ways in which the unnecessarily separate spheres of marriage, family and church often don't successfully relate. Otherwise (I never read the first edition!) it remains a broad and deep resource on some important issues. The opening words of the first chapter set the tone, and demonstrate the need for this book; "For the first time in its history, Western civilisation is confronted with the need to define the meaning of the terms marriage and family". Fortunately the authors don't rant too much at the outset, with the observation that "the current cultural crisis, however, is merely symptomatic of a deep-seated spiritual crisis that continues to gnaw at the foundations of our once-shared societal values". And it is from this starting point - awareness with conviction, engagement and relevance with respect for timeless truth - that defines and flows through this book.

The book builds its argument relatively straightforwardly, opening with the reasons for rebuilding a biblical foundation. There are then separate chapters on the Old and New Testament views of marriage, before the fourth chapter opens up the discussion on sex for procreation, which bridges the early chapters straight into the subsequent section (in chapters 5-8). One of the most interesting (given the Evangelical/Complementarian historic weakness in providing either theological or practical action on the issue) chapters in this book comes in the ninth chapter; on Singleness. This is a particularly good discussion of the topic, as hinted at by the title, 'Undivided Devotion to the Lord: The Divine Gift of Singleness'; and well introduced with the necessary (especially in the Con-Evo circles in which this book will hold particular sway) "Post-adolescent singles are probably the most overlooked social group in the contemporary Western church". This is one of the better chapters on the topic of singleness that I have read in a book on marriage, not least for the value it places on it!

The next few chapters - 10-13 - touch on rather more thorny issues. The first of these, and one can tell from the subtitle what direction it might take, is "Abandoning Natural Relations: The Biblical Verdict on Homosexuality", which is a comprehensively biblical, pastorally sensitive, and fundamentally orthodox look at this contentious issue. This is a chapter that does go into technical Greek words, but incorporates the discussion into the overall argument, so that it is not an unsurmountable barrier to the non-Greek-proficient reader! Chapter 11 opens another can of worms, "Separating What God Has Joined Together: Divorce and Remarriage". A minimalistic analysis of the argument that Kostenberger and Jones make would be a disservice - suffice to say as I start to think theologically about this sensitive issue (tied as it is to the way in which marriage is meant to be), this chapter is a great introduction to the topic. Chapter 12 veers off into issues of Church Leadership - with an emphasis on the biblical injunction for 'Faithful Husbands'. The complementarian theology underlying this book comes particularly to the fore here, so your view on this will depend on your view on that. Chapter 13 makes an interesting case for integration with the bold title "God, Marriage, Family, and the Church: Learning to be the Family of God". One review on Amazon made a number of critical observations on the argument here - but I felt that as a chapter-length treatment of a potentially massive topic, it was pretty strong. The book closes with Chapter 14, echoing the Christian hope; "Uniting All Things in Him: Concluding Synthesis".

This book deserves its reputation - it is a thorough, biblical, theological look at its title topic. It is not perfect, but it is a valuable resource and for those who disagree with it, a necessary position to engage with. Its not a book for everyone, but if you are thinking it may be of use to you, it probably will be! I'm a huge fan of Tim and Kathy Keller's "The Meaning of Marriage", which is the next 'rung down' from Kostenberger/Jones' offering, and an even slimmer but still excellent alternative would be John Piper's "This Momentary Marriage".