Guest Post: Laura's Story

This post comes courtesy of a Christian blogger, Laura, who blogs at 'lightenough'. She is an evangelical Christian woman who lives and serves Jesus in the South East United States. I have shared this post because it is the story of a Christian woman working against the grain in a culture where her gifts aren't welcomed. For the egalitarians, it will mean one thing. For the complementarian,  it calls them to consider how to include women in the running of the church. This is a great post, well written, and I commend it to you.

Over to Laura...

Although I was raised in a Christian home and accepted Christ in late childhood, I didn’t really “grow up” in my faith until my late 20’s and 30’s. During most of my 30’s I attended the same church. At this church, I was given opportunities to serve that I’d never been given before. I must emphasize that I was not looking for these opportunities, and was in fact hesitant about them. However, I soon discovered I had gifts and passions that I didn’t realize were in me.  Among other things, I led adult Bible studies, coordinated an adult small group ministry, led leadership training for group leaders, and was a church board member that helped guide the direction of the church.

These responsibilities helped me grow spiritually, and one reason (among several) that I decided to enroll in seminary was to be better equipped for all I was doing. Due to unfortunate circumstances, not long after I enrolled in seminary we had to leave this church. My journey since then has been a frustrating one.

I had not realized what a highly unusual evangelical church this had been. It was egalitarian (not complementarian) - although I did not even know those words at the time! This church believed people should serve based on the gifts they had, and not be limited by their gender.

As we began to look for a new church home, the difference between this church and most other evangelical churches became glaring. At one church, we were asked to lead a small group and when it became known that I would take the primary leadership role, we were forbidden from leading a group – unless my husband took the primary leadership role and I served as hostess and secretary. My dear husband is a great Christian guy, but leading and teaching are not his gifts and he had no desire to lead a group. And there is nothing wrong with being a hostess and secretary, but those were not my gifts either. Even being participants in a small group was restricting – a woman was discouraged from praying out loud, and I was told that if I wanted to say anything that was “teaching” I should take all the women into another room and say it only to them. I could tell other similar stories…but you get the idea. This church even questioned why I, as a woman, would be working on a seminary degree.  

Suddenly, an issue that had never been “an issue” for me became one! I found myself intently studying the Scriptures to clarify what they said about the role of women. I discovered the evangelical groups of CBE and CBMW – and that each stood on opposite sides of this issue. While genuine believers can come to different conclusions, my prayerful study led me to a position that men and women alike should be able to serve in the church based on their gifts and not restricted by their gender.

After experiencing freedom, it has been incredibly frustrating to be so restricted by my gender. In general, women seem limited to working with kids, exclusively with other women, or doing church secretarial work. These are great areas of service that need to be done within the church. However, working with kids and secretarial work is definitely not my gifting and not something I enjoy either.  

It is also frustrating to be misunderstood. When some people hear thoughts such as these, they somehow hear that I am proud or on a power-trip and only want to do important things. Needs in the church go unfilled because women like me are too proud to do them! Sigh. To allay any fears out there, I personally have no desire for a prominent position of leadership such as pastor or elder. All I would like is a few more options! I’d like to be able to utilize the gifts God has given me, instead of being forced into a box where I do not belong. If a male in the church does not want to work with kids, do secretarial work, or work exclusively with other men, that is not a problem. A variety of other options are available for this man to use his gifts more broadly within the church. But not so much for a woman. And to set the record straight, I’ve done plenty of behind-the-scenes work such as cleaning the church and helping landscape the property. I’ve helped with young children because there was a need, even though that is not my gifting and I did not enjoy it. We should all be willing to roll up our sleeves and do what needs to be done sometimes, simply because there is a need.

Yet, someone’s primary gifts and joys should be encouraged. There is something very wrong about squashing a person’s gifts - or severely limiting who in the Body can benefit from them. The church misses out on ministry that could be valuable to all, when women are limited to only working with children or other women. I also think there are women with gifts that they do not realize they have - because they have never been encouraged or given the opportunity to try! What a sad loss for the church. By the way, there is no indication in the New Testament that spiritual gifts are based on gender. God’s bestowing of gifts is an equal opportunity endowment.

Men and women together reflect the image of God. Not just men, and not just women. We both reflect God in unique ways. The sequestering off of women hinders the ministry of the church because we limit the influence of God’s image. Men can grow in their knowledge of God by hearing the unique perspective that only a woman can bring, and vice versa of course. How can a church properly reflect God, when half the image of God is so restricted?  Don’t get me wrong here; there is certainly a place for distinct men’s and women’s ministry in the church. But a false dichotomy has been created, and we have forgotten the interdependence of men and women.

Even if one feels that only men should be elders and pastors, I think elders and pastors should actively look for the perspective of women. Perhaps the elders could have a select group of women attend every other elder’s meeting. Or the pastors could meet quarterly with a group of women to share with them the plans and direction of the church, and to seek their viewpoints and wisdom. Certainly women, who are Spirit-filled and reflect the image of God, can have valuable input. In fact, can the church properly move forward without it?

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 I wonder what you've made of it - I'd love to have your comments, and I hope Laura engages too. As we discuss and think through issues of gender and leadership it is important to continually remember to be sensitive, as I pointed out in a recent post. Thanks for reading, your comments are very welcome!