Book Review: The Best Marriage

I'm reviewing this little, simple, attention-grabbing (certainly from the title and front page!) book on marriage at the behest of a good friend of ours whose pastor, Anthony Delaney, wrote it. I read it on her recommendation - actually downloading it at the wedding reception we were talking at (good old Kindle!) - and read it whilst on honeymoon. It is apt that I'm writing this after a month of marriage myself - I'm nowhere near knowing exactly whats going on, but its books like this (and many others, as listed in the 'Book Reviews' tab above) which are helping me navigate this fairly major life change.

On with the review. For those not in the know, Delaney is the Pastor of Ivy Manchester, a big, modern church. This book is one of three that he's written, and having read it, I'd be interested to get my hands on the other two. The way he writes is part of what is good about this book: it is instantly accessible, as well as being clear and honest. Its not as technical or theological as, say, Tim and Kathy Kellers "The Meaning of Marriage", but then its a huge amount shorter! "The B.E.S.T. Marriage" is a great example of why its worth reading a range of books on a subject, and listening to the recommendations of friends. I hadn't heard of it until my friend recommended it - now I have and I'm glad she took the time!

This book is accessible - and the opening comparison is simple in the best way, in that it speaks clearly. the first title is called "Beans or Best". It sets the tone for the book, and asks the question the book answers; do you want the marital equivalent of baked beans or do you want the Best marriage you can have? Delaney's second chapter looks at the problem in most marriages, and the problem with marriage in our culture. This is helpful; setting a very practical book in a context, and also looking at the personal elements of bigger issues. Before moving on into the meat of the book, Delaney further helpfully sets the tone by giving us a simple "Three Stages" of marriage, which would seem to be a fairly comprehensive summary: 1. Ideal, 2. Ordeal, 3. New Deal. The way we approach of these stages is what is found in the meat of the book.

Perhaps the title - at least the fact each letter is capitalised and with a full stop between them - is the clue, but I was pretty dopey and it took time for me to realise that actually the "B.E.S.T." of the title is an acronym for four ways in which Delaney encourages us to look - practically and/or theoretically - at our marriages. Its worth noting at the point that this book is for married people in particular, thought it would be worth a read by singles or pre-married couples wanting to get a rounded view. I won't ruin the book by sharing the B, E, S or T of Delaney's "B.E.S.T." but they are comprehensive, clear, and practical. The closing remarks tie it all together very well.

I would recommend this book. Definitely. It has the benefit of being slimmer and simpler than many marriage books; but immensely readable and practical. Not everyone wants (or needs) a book that covers every aspect of marriage theologically - some of us just want some advice on the mechanics of marriage! Delaney's book is exactly that - but that is not to say it is not deeply wise. One idea particularly struck me, and is something I think God is teaching me is vital to marriage; "A marriage is not just two people thrown together. It's two people grown together. That takes time and effort and thought". Also, in closing, Delaney echoes something that is becoming clearer and clearer in the marriage books I've been reading;

"I think that is a beautiful truth. Your love does not sustain and feed your marriage, but the other way round. The very fact that you said vows to one another supports your love. Those promises scaffold the passion".